Script Consultant

Notice in the first example, how the addition of Jack’s action line: “He stops rocking” changes the rhythm of that beat and eliminates the need for: “waiting for the bomb to drop”, which only clutters up the action and tension of that moment. Plus, we can now connect to Travis emotionally as we watch him react to his father’s yelling.

In the next example, we have a character detail that is described to us in narration versus shown to us in action: “Her aim is exceptional.” Again, this is a family drama that has hints of comedy, so the more the writer can take advantage of physical comedic opportunities in heightened beats of action, the more we, as readers will be able to engage with the characters. “A hardcover pops Jack in the head” is visually hilarious and conveys to us more about Amanda and her aim than just telling us, “her aim is exceptional”.

In the final example, you can see how simplifying the language in blocked action lines, and replacing gerunds with sharp verbs can affect how we visualize the action. I would go further and replace “walk” with a verb more specific to the emotional state of the characters in this beat. I.e., “trudge”, or “plod”.

TRAVIS and LAUREN walking toward the car. Lauren stumbles on her heel, spilling a small amount of coffee on her dress.

Travis and Lauren walk down the driveway. Lauren stumbles on her heel, spills coffee on her dress.